The Great
War on Mars had come to an end. |
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Weary and sad of heart,
the pink Gnuffs trudged home. "No more wars. Never again!" they moaned. They had
lost the war.
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Weary and
sad, the purple Moffers also trudged home. "No more wars. Never again!" they
groaned, even though they had won the war.
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But on the battlefield lay almost as
many dead Moffers as dead Gnuffs, and a terrible amount of green blood had been shed. The
Supreme President of the Gnuffs and the High King of the Moffers met at the river that
made up the border between their countries and agreed to a treaty.
"Never again shall there be a war between the Gnuffs and the Moffers," they
promised each other. And in both countries the people held huge peace celebrations.
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"Let’s send
our general into retirement!" the Gnuffs cried at their celebration.
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"Let’s
give our field marshal the pink slip!" shouted the Moffers at their celebration.
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"We’ll have
the soldiers plant strawberries!" yelled the Gnuffs.
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"We’ll
give the soldiers sewing machines!" exclaimed the Moffers.
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But the general of the
Gnuffs said, "You can’t do that. If we no longer have a general or soldiers,
then the Moffers will immediately fall upon us. We must have a strong, alert army so that
there will never be another war!"
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And the
field marshal of the Moffers said, "You can’t do that. When the Gnuffs see that
we no longer have an army, surely they’ll immediately take revenge for the lost war.
So we need soldiers and a field marshal."
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"Oh well, I guess
you’re right," the Gnuffs grumbled.
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"I
suppose he must be right," muttered the Moffers.
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And then everybody went home and back
to work, the Gnuffs to their towers and the Moffers to their caves.
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And the Gnuff general
said to himself, "I don’t want another war again, but if I don’t show them
that I’m an able general, they’ll send me into retirement." And he said to
the Supreme President, "Our army is in need of more swords, so we won’t be
attacked anymore. Please demand higher taxes, so that we can buy more swords from the
blacksmiths." And the Supreme President did just that. And the blacksmiths said to
themselves, "We don’t want another war, but if we sell lots of swords, we can
afford the expensive schools for our children." And the blacksmith journeymen said to
themselves, "We don’t want another war, but if we say we don’t want to make
swords, our bosses will throw us out, and then our children will have nothing to
eat."
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And the
field marshal of the Moffers said to himself, "I want peace, but if I don’t show
them that I’m a capable field marshal, they might sack me." And he said to the
Head King of the Moffers, "I heard the Gnuffs are buying swords for their army.
Please raise the taxes, so that we can attract more soldiers to the army." And the
Head King raised the taxes and more soldiers joined the army. And the Moffer farmers said
to themselves, "We want peace, but if we don’t sell potatoes to the army, we
won’t be able to pay the new taxes." And the tailors said, "We want peace.
But the more soldiers there are in the army, the more uniforms we can sell." And the
spear makers said, "We want peace, but the more soldiers there are, the more spears
we can sell."
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And then it happened
that an inventor among the Gnuffs discovered a poison, a terribly strong poison. But to
the Gnuffs it was harmless; it was only deadly to Moffers. "I don’t want to do
anything bad to anybody," said the inventor to himself, "but if I keep my
inventions to myself, I won’t be able to pay the milk lady." And in a book, he
wrote how to produce the poison.
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And then
it happened that a Moffer professor discovered how to build a bomb that could destroy
everything above ground but was harmless to Moffers because they lived in caves. "I
wish no one harm," said the professor to himself, "but I have to make my
discovery known, or else the people will think that I don’t know anything about my
science." And he wrote a book explaining how to build the bomb. When the Moffer field
marshal heard about it, he said to the Head King, "We really have to build this bomb
because I heard that the Gnuffs have a terrible poison that they can use against us."
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And the Gnuff general
said to the Supreme President, "We really have to produce this poison because I heard
that the Moffers have a dangerous bomb that they can use against us."
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And so the poison was
mixed...
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...and the
bomb was built.
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And the Gnuffs built a
huge spray gun that could spray the poison on the Moffers.
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And the
Gnuffs built a huge balloon that could carry the bomb to the Moffers.
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Then the Supreme
President of the Gnuffs said in a speech, "Now there can never again be a war because
we want peace, and the Moffers will never dare attack us because we have the terrible
poison."
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And the
Head King of the Moffers said in a speech, "Now there will always be peace because we
don’t want war, and the Gnuffs will never dare attack us because we have the terrible
bomb."
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One day the Gnuff
blacksmiths said, "We don’t have enough iron anymore for all the swords and
plows and scythes and wagons that we could build. We’ve got to go to Iron Island and
get iron!"
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And the
Moffer blacksmiths said, "We need more iron for our spears and wagons and plows and
scythes. We have to go get iron from Iron Island!"
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So the Gnuffs sent a
ship to Iron Island...
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...and the
Moffers sent a ship to Iron Island too.
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When the ships came back, the sailors
told everybody at home that the others had also taken iron from Iron Island.
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"The Moffers are
taking our iron!" a Gnuff newspaper announced.
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"The
Gnuffs want all the iron for themselves!" announced a Moffer newspaper.
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This was rather an exaggeration, but
everybody knows that papers with exciting news sell better than those which say that
everything is not so bad and one should maybe first have a look if maybe there wasn't
enough iron for everyone. And newspaper people want to make a living just like everybody
else.
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And the Moffers once
again became frightened of the Gnuffs...
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...and the
Gnuffs became frightened of the Moffers.
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"We have to have
Iron Island for ourselves," said some of the Gnuffs, "or there can be no
peace."
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"Iron
Island must belong to us," said some of the Moffers, "or there’ll be
another war!"
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"If we don’t
have iron for plows, we’ll have nothing to eat," said some of the Gnuffs,
"and then our terrible poison won’t help us either!"
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"If
we don’t have any iron, we’ll starve," said some of the Moffers, "and
then our huge bomb won’t do us any good either."
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And the Gnuffs sent a
warship to Iron Island...
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...and the
Moffers sent a warship to Iron Island.
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And when the battle
came to a draw... |
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...the Gnuffs sent
another warship...
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...and the
Moffers sent another warship.
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"We can’t
allow them to build any warships!" said the Gnuff general and with his troops he
attacked the Moffer’s shipyard.
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"We
have to prevent them from building ships," said the Moffer field marshal, and with
his troops he attacked the Gnuff’s shipyard.
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"They have attacked
us!" yelled the Gnuffs.
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"They
have struck us!" yelled the Moffers.
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"We wanted
peace," said the Gnuff general, "but now it’s too late. We have to spray
them with our poison before they drop the bomb on us!"
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"We
didn’t want war!" said the Moffer field marshal, "but now it’s too
late. We have to drop the bomb on them before they spray us with poison."
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And the spray gun was
filled...
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...and the
big balloon was launched.
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"Now their
number’s up!" said the Gnuffs.
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"Now
their number’s up!" said the Moffers.
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"And ours is
too!" said the Gnuffs when they saw the balloon slowly rising.
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"And
ours is too!" said the Moffers when they saw the giant spray gun appear on the
horizon.
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"Maybe I
shouldn’t have invented the poison after all!" said the inventor.
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"Maybe
I shouldn’t have invented the bomb after all!" said the professor.
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"Maybe we
shouldn’t have made any swords!" said the blacksmiths.
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"Maybe
we shouldn’t have made any spears!" said the spear makers.
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"Maybe we
shouldn’t have sewn any uniforms!" said the tailors.
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"Maybe
we shouldn’t have delivered any potatoes," said the farmers.
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"Maybe we shouldn't
have exaggerated so much" said the newspaper people.
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"Maybe
we should have stuck to the truth more" said the people who wrote the magazines.
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"Maybe we
shouldn’t have become soldiers," said the soldiers. |
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"Maybe we should
have sent our general into retirement!" said the Gnuffs.
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"Maybe
we should have given our field marshal the pink slip!" said the Moffers.
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And then a Gnuff said to
his friends, "We can’t save ourselves anymore. But the Moffers – they
weren’t any more stupid or mean than we were." And they climbed up onto the
spray gun and knocked it over, just at the moment before it started spraying.
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And a few
Moffers said to each other, "Now we’re going to die because of our stupidity.
But the Gnuffs at least ought to know that there were a few decent Moffers." And they
grabbed hold of the ropes and climbed up to the balloon and exploded the bomb before it
got to the Gnuffs.
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"Moffers saved
us!" the Gnuffs said, astonished when they saw that the bomb had not hurt them.
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"Gnuffs
gave their lives for us!" the Moffers whispered, completely amazed, when they noticed
that the poison hadn’t hit them.
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And then they all let their swords and
spears drop to the ground, sat down on the ground and moaned, "Whew! That was a close
call!" And because they were so relieved, many of them started crying.
Then they sent the general and the marshal into retirement, the Supreme President and the
Head King too, and they said, "This time we’ve got to be smarter!" | |